she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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