I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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