I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
