hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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