Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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