that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
