More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
false alarm. still invincible.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
