My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
