you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
