Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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