the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
