Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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