I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
