How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
