You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
