My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
