If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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