I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
