Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
