the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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