Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
