She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
