I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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