She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Two words: nipple clamps
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