Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
