You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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