Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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