Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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