At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
