nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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