i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
