i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
