Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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