Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
