2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i may or may not be watching the land before time
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
