i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
