somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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