she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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