I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
