I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
