people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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