tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
