I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need a beard to bite.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
