I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
