so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
