Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
