So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
