I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
