i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
