On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
